Oh well, I finally took out some time to blog after I came back from Malaysia. The trip was great, but the people I went with (my maternal cousins) were...well... not. Certain things really got me thinking. Out there, in Kuala Lumpur, we saw an overweight girl wearing a knee - length denim skirt with a skin - tight top. Looking at her, my second cousin S (who's a year older than me) immediately sneered and said, "Look at these fat chicks... wearing just anything!" My other cousin, let's call her C laughed in agreement. I was disgusted. I mean, there is this nice, happy, 'big' girl who is having fun with her friends, who is having fun dressing the way she wants to and there are these losers commenting on her appearance and dressing - what the hell?! Furthermore, the entire trip taught me how judgmental people can be on trivial matters such as appearance. C's son (yeah she has a son and a daughter) T who's 14 never missed an opportunity to say how fat or 'ugly' someone was. And at night, when I asked S and T how they could pass such comments, they immediately responded, "We were just joking. It's not like we're going up to that person and saying stuff. And besides, you called that Genting guy 'ugly' too!" Okay, so there was this creepy asshole who kept on following me in Genting and abused T for no reason. Now, I only call someone ugly when I'm talking about the person's inner beauty. I don't comment on people's looks because frankly, I don't think it's any of my business to see how someone dresses or talks. Looks are not in one's hands - they are something given by god. So why comment in a negative way? I couldn't find anything humorous in T and S's 'jokes'. If laughing at a crooked nose is your idea of humour and fun, then count me out.



I was horrified when A - another second cousin aged 6 - slapped my calves and said how 'fat' and 'big' they were! This kid was sure brought up that way. His mom (who is stick slim), right now pregnant with her second baby did not pose for pictures just because she doesn't like her baby bump sticking out! Uhh...
I chose a sweatshirt they tagged as old fashioned. "Well this could work in your city you know... it's pretty small." I coolly responded, "There are two types of folks in this world - those who follow fashion, and those who create it. I make, you follow. And oh, by the way, those gladiator heels you are scrounging the mall for... They've been nominated among the worst fashion trends of the decade and yeah, my friends already dumped them." Ouch! That bit their tongues! Needless to say, I bought that sweat, wore it and even got some compliments!
Forget about beefy or slim, old fashioned or trendy, they even comment on skin tones. S, T and others have fair skin tones and I basically could be called a 'dusky beauty'. So basically my skin tone was sort of looked down upon in the most subtle ways possible. For example, when we were at the beach, we got tanned. Now, I'm already wheatish cum dusky, so when T and C were whining about 'how they got dark' and pulling up their sleeves to compare their original tones with the tanned skin, I joked, "Well I don't have to worry much - I'm naturally tanned! I love my colour!" They gave me an 'ehh' look. I can imagine what they'd say behind my back. So I'm not fair and nor am I stick slim - so am I supposed to be crying about it? No. I'll never take their opinions seriously because you know what? It really doesn't matter! We all are gorgeous in some or the other way! Some of us have great hair, some have great skin, some have a lovely smile and some eyes seem to trap you in their gaze! We are gorgeous people! And 99% of us are beautiful too! We all - deep down - are good human beings, and just because we don't have the 'perfect' legs, we shouldn't start to think we're 'ugly'. Ugly is a person who is vindictive. I'd rather be a jolly, chunky babe than be a jealous, obsessed slim girl. Just because some loser comes up to you and says your nose is 'ugly' or your smile is 'too toothy' it doesn't mean you're not beautiful. It just means one thing - that person is extremely shallow. I love people who are beautiful because external beauty won't last for long. And I'll tell you something about T's appearance - Covered with blackheads and pimples, his crooked teeth make him ugly because he shows them when he laughs at a 'fat' girl. It's not his appearance, it's his nature that makes him unattractive. Tell me, how can you take the view of such people seriously when they haven't seen their own faces in the mirror? I've been a chunky girl and my slim cousins always made fun of my body (but they meant well - they aren't bad people). This hurt my self esteem bad and it's me who knows how hard I worked to get it back. I exercised, lost 11 lbs and now they're like - wow! Your body is so curvy! We're so jealous!!! Right. I'm dusky, I'm curvy, I don't have a celebrity smile - but that's me! I love me! My confidence makes me who I am! My heart goes out to all those 'fat chicks' on the block who wear what they want to and walk with their head held high. They're beautiful! And so are you! So all those judgmental idiots - shut up! We don't care about what you think of our hair of legs. We don't want to know whether we're hot or not. We haven't asked whether we're trendy or not. We know we're gorgeous. And that's how it rolls. How about you? Do you think you are ugly? Do you think I'm making a big deal out of nothing?

I like festivals for their vibrance and beauty. But yesterday I realised that there was more to it. My cousin and I were taking a walk and when we returned home, a kid who lives in the same lane asked us to stop by his place. Now this kid I'm talking about lives in one room - yes, just one room with the rest of his family (sister, mother, father). Refrigerators are a luxury to them. He's younger to me and I've seen him grow up for all these 10 years. So when we entered, he told us chirpily to look at what he'd made. It was outside the room. It was on a small platform of mud  - a jumble of broken and unbroken toys around a small metal statue of Lord Krishna. A small earthen pot full of butter was also placed there along with Diyas (earthen lamps). The whole scattered toy thing made no sense, but we appreciated his hardwork. He lit the lamps and incense sticks and sung the aarti (a song they sing to please and appreciate the lord). I'm an agnostic, and I usually avoid visiting temples because I do not feel god's presence in there. But there my heart felt so calm all of a sudden. The light coming from the flickering lamps not only fought darkness outside, but they also illuminated my soul. I felt genuinely happy for no reason, and all worries seemed to vanish like the darkness outside. I felt the presence of a superior entity inside and it made me believe that someone is always there to watch over me. I felt safe and protected. What touched me even more was his faith in Lord Krishna. It was so strong that it made me wonder why we - who have hardly anything to complain about - keep blaming god for 'bad luck' when this kid, who's lived his life in adversities looks at god with grateful eyes? It forced to think why we are so selfish all the time - asking for fulfilled wishes, asking for things - when this kid asks for nothing more than his blessings? Something inside me said, "Such moments make life more beautiful, such scenes are actually serene. Life is not a race and we can always be better than what we were yesterday. All you need is a flickering lamp of faith. Things are bound to get better. I believe in you, you believe in me and together we will cross all boundaries." I smiled as he offered me sweets. All the people who live in my lane were coming in to see the most beautiful Krishna Temple. Then I realised that god never resides in grand temples. God never resides in lavishly worshipped idols. God never resides in the flames of protected lamps. God resides in those broken toys, god resides in those flickering lamps that fight the wind, god resides in those grateful souls who have faith. Baby Krishna was reknown as the most notorious kid in the village and no toy could please him more than those cracked ones I saw yesterday. Temples aren't rare, but Faith is.